Self-Conscious Blogger

On August 31, 2010, in Biracial, by Honeysmoke

It’s not your imagination. The blog posts around here have been getting skimpier and skimpier. What gives? Well, a lot of things.

Like many bloggers I dove head first into posting pictures and words. Honeysmoke provided an outlet for my writing as I tried to make sense of my children. It was fun. I wrote what I wanted, when I wanted. Then people started reading and responding. The site developed a group of loyal followers, and I learned their likes and dislikes. Slowly, I censored my words, held a little back, toned down my thoughts.

I love Simone and Nadia. They bring me immeasurable joy. Even the bad times aren’t really bad times. I delight in hearing their voices, their giggles. I love how they wake up every morning and everything that happened yesterday is in the past. If only adults could learn how to let go like that, the world we be such a better place. It’s hard to believe they are growing up so fast, becoming their own little selves, pulling away from me, little by little. They are my muse, and I love writing about them, documenting slivers of their lives.

Loving them means I want to protect them. I want to shield them from the people and things I can and cannot see. That’s what parents do. I said all of that to say this: I’ve been thinking about shutting down the blog. I don’t want to do that. I really don’t. I’m thinking about how I can make the blog more useful, and I need a little help. I am open to ideas. Please write one or two or three  suggestions in the comments section. This self-conscious blogger will appreciate them.

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  • Angelicque

    Dont change a thing, your blog is great just as it is.

  • http://pennyjars.wordpress.com/ Victoria

    Oh, please don’t go. You have such a wonderful voice. I know I don’t get over here as much as I’d like, but I would certainly miss you!

  • Magda

    Please don’t stop. I came across your blog last week and I too read all your previous posts. You are a great writer, I love your style, and your attitude towards life. You are so incredibly smart and such interesting person. You have so much to offer. I have to say, you have a european quality to you, and I love it. I myself am from Poland, live in Germany temporarily with the military and my darling husband of 6 years. I guess we are what people call a mixed couple. I never cared about race, but moving to America, I quickly found out about it. We are expecting our first child now, and as I never thought about it before, our child will live in America, the greatest coutnry to live in hands down. But our child will face “race” in their life. So I want to be prepared. This how I came across your blog.. I love your girls, and how you love your life. I also really love your reccomendations about books and products. Whatever you write about I will read with pleasure, because you are just a phantastic person and a really good writer. Keep it up. If you decide to shut it down, I will understand, but please think it over :)

  • Marci

    I just stumbled on your blog about a month ago and have enjoyed reading it. I even went back and read all of the posts! I love your writing style and think your blog is very unique and heartfelt.I love the fact that you are sharing your experiences with your kids. I especially love the kid’s quotes. I wish that I could have written my kids daily antidotes because the time goes so very fast. I am envious that blogging wasn’t available when my kids were younger.

    I am biracial (Black & White) and can relate to some of the stories you share. My husband and I experience some of the same experiences you and your husband experience because people think I am Hispanic.

    So to answer your question, I don’t think you should change a thing! You should write exactly what you want to write about and if someone doesn’t like it they can go kick rocks and not come back. I also think that if the blog no longer brings you joy then you should stop, but please know that you do have people that enjoy reading it. I know I will be disappointed if you stop but would understand if you decide to stop.

    • http://www.honeysmoke.com Honeysmoke

      Wow! I’m impressed you read all of the old posts. Thanks so much.

  • http://singlikesassy.blogspot.com SingLikeSassy

    As you know, I blog when the mood hits me. I tried all these gimmicks and used to stress about getting a post up a day and then I realized that the reason I started it was an outlet for my thoughts. It didn’t matter if people read it or not, though it is nice when people do read and comment. So I ramped back.

    All that is to say, you should review why you started this blog and what you get from it. If it’s more work and energy than you have right now, scale it back to a schedule you can manage. If you’re shutting down because of ugly comments, that’s a copout. People won’t always agree with you and this is a place for sharing of ideas, right? Plus, it’s your blog and you can delete them if they are truly over the top.

    Stop looking for a gimmick. Just write.

    • http://www.honeysmoke.com Honeysmoke

      no, no ugly comments. i moderate the blog. always have.

  • http://existenceET.blogspot.com ET

    Ooooh please don’t shut down your blog. I just discovered it recently through Tiffany at The Mulatto Diaries (btw she’s been uncharacteristically radio silent lately .. what’s up?!) but really love your writing. You have a great, honest style. I love hearing about your family. And, as other readers have already said, the audience you (like it or not) represent needs a pitch-perfect voice like yours.

    I do like the Q&A structure that Luna suggested. Whatever you decide, I’ll be crossing my fingers that your blog stays up and running!

  • http://amusingrain.blogspot.com/ Rania Osburn

    I have to agree with Nikki that I love this site. I’m not always able to comment (because i can get a little verbose at times and that’s not very easy to do on iPhone during my lunch break) but I check in FREQUENTLY. I also can’t let you close this blog. hahaha If you did, it would be a significant loss.

    To shut down the blog because of an ignorant few, is the ultimate censoring and allowing “them” to win. To piggyback what Nikki said, our voice isn’t heard that often (or well for that matter). There aren’t a lot of sites that are well put together, intelligently written and obviously heartfelt sites about our mixed race/mix heritage children as this site is. I also don’t so much worry about the nastiness of people on the outside commenting because if anything, comment moderation would quickly shut that down.

    I was personally inspired by your blog a while ago so much so that I told my husband about it. I’d been in a back and forth for a while about wanting to produce an “educational”/informative blog before and I knew I wanted it to be about my family. My first (A-musing) blog started out as just a thoughts/experiences/funny haps blog but since then I’ve wanted more. I have a lot that I thought might help others not only learn from but also get a chuckle from (can’t stand to be too heavy ALL the time) not only because of my interracial marriage and our children, but from other things about me. So because of you, I’m working on (haven’t flushed out yet because I have to finish one big component but it’s in the works) my own “mixed family” blog. Hopefully you will come visit and provide your feedback once it’s up!

    The thing I have learned in what I love about my FAVORITE blogs is when I feel they write for themselves and not for an audience (necessarily) I really connect to them and want to be their champion.

    My two cents?
    1. Write about what you want to write about – if it’s your children, your hair, your life, your job, your good days, your bad, the crap under your nails – do it. Blogs started off as online journals, why not go back to it’s roots.
    2. Be honest and don’t censor – if others don’t get it or take offense – guess what? This is YOUR blog, not theirs and such is life with TV – turn it off if you don’t like it or don’t agree with it. Conversely, if you feel like you’re attracting the wrong people, go private. Invite those you want to your blog. (My only problem here is, if I were looking for content like yours I’d be missing out unless I heard about you through word of mouth).
    3. You will notice you’ll really help a lot of people when you’re true to yourself. People can sniff out fake and feel more emotionally connected to those who they feel are “real” and will be understanding and supportive. Besides what good is writing if it’s not fun and becomes a chore???

    I hope you work out what you want to do with your blog and of course I’m hoping you stay around. I love hearing about Simone and Nadia (my favorite section is Quote, UnQuote!), about your natural hair (even though mine is relaxed), your writing and the other online blogs/books/etc. that you discover that I quickly jump on for myself.

    If not, please keep in touch – you have my blog and my email is in my profile. I know we don’t know each other, but I’m hoping that will change. :) Like I said, you’re an inspiration.

    Rania

  • Luna

    From what I have observed, it’s more important than ever for writers like yourself and Nikki to exist. So many people are facing new challenges daily being the parents of biracial children and you bring a fresh voice to the masses.

    I understand and admire your need to protect your children and I feel you can do that while still writing. What about doing q & a’s? This way people who have questions or concerns can come to you for help, ala Ann Landers (only for the multiracial set).

    You could have a select few people you trust help field q’s you don’t have answers to. Just my two cents!

    • http://www.honeysmoke.com Honeysmoke

      ooh, i like the q&a idea.

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  • http://euphorialuv.wordpress.com/ Nikki @ Euphoria Luv

    Umm, No. you’re not allowed to close down this blog. As you know from my own blog that is collecting dust, I also struggled with the thought of closing down my blog. I also wanted to protect my son from the nastiness of the internet and ignorant people who see’s his mixed race heritage as an issue.

    I finally made up my mind about closing my blog. But I still think there’s a need for awareness for black mother’s with biracial kids. Our voice isn’t heard as much as I think it should be. So what to do? Maybe you can tweak the focus of this blog. Or maybe guest blog on another site if there are topics you still want to explore but just not here.

    Also maybe you can expand certain areas of this blog as you downgrade the posts about your family. What tools and resources do you as a parent use? Maybe start talking about the parenting “process” instead of the direct family?

    Ok, that was my $0.05 worth of ideas. Let me know if you need more :)