HONEYSMOKE

Okay, let’s move on to Christmas.

I used to laugh at folks who started Christmas shopping so early. That was BK, Before Kids. If there is going to be anything merry about that day, I need to start shopping.

A few items I will be checking out this year:

529 College Savings Plans — If you don’t already have one of these, now is a good time to get one. Parents can set aside money for college either through a pre-paid tuition plan or through a college investment plan. We have college investment plans for Simone and Nadia, and I feel no shame in hitting up grandparents and relatives for a donation at Christmastime. Toys break, and children outgrow clothes. Give the gift that gives for a lifetime.

All things Princess Tiana — Disney’s first black princess will make an appearance under the Christmas tree, whether I like it or not. Disney is releasing its new film, The Princess and the Frog, just before the holiday, and it will be difficult to escape the movie’s pull. There is even a Carol’s Daughter Magical Beauty Collection set that has caught my eye.

Ni Hao, Kai-Lan — In this global economy, it won’t hurt for a child to learn a little Chinese. Or at least play with a doll who speaks Chinese.

All things learning — There is a wealth of new learning devices on the market this year. Leap Frog won me over early, and I am sticking with that brand. Simone is old enough for the hand-held gaming system, and I will research it and see if it’s worth the money this year.

Books, books, books — I will continue to cash in on Simone and Nadia’s excitement for stories. We have one Leap Frog Tag Reading System, and it may just be time to add another to the household.

Piggy Bank — Speaking of learning, Simone and Nadia also should understand the value of money. The Money Savvy Pig piggy bank has four areas: save, spend, donate, and invest. This one has been on my radar for a while and may make a good gift this year.

When I was a kid, I was accused on more than one occasion of talking white. I was guilty of using proper English. I also know that I change the way I talk depending on who is in the room. For example, there is a lilt in my voice when I talk to men and women who are clearly my elders. It is a way of giving them respect. I learned recently this is called “code switching.”

Playwright and performer Sarah Jones and John McWhorter, a linguist and senior fellow at the Manhattan Institute, discuss sounding black and “blaccent,” a term McWhorter coined.

This is a wonderful piece on what people sound like and why. Take a listen.

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Panda & Polar Bear

By Matthew J. Baek

This little book comes highly recommended by our local children’s librarian.

When a polar bear falls over the edge of an ice cliff, he finds panda, who assumes the mud-covered polar bear is just like him. The two play together and become friends. They are the same, until panda offers polar bear some bamboo. Polar bear is not impressed with the bamboo and instead takes a dive in the water and catches a fish. Panda immediately notices his friends “splotches” have washed away. No matter. Panda helps his friend get home, where they can be seen playing in the snow.

This book gets a high score from me because it takes the subject of differences and translates it into words and pictures the preschool set can understand. It also gains points for not being preachy. As for Simone and Nadia, there is no wrong when it comes to bears. They aren’t so cuddly at the zoo, but in a book bears will grab — and hold — their attention every time.

Michael Jackson

You know something is big these days when it is splashed all over the television screen. I have another measure: Simone. A few days after Michael Jackson died, she told me what the world already knew.

One day, when she is much, much older, she will ask me about him, and I will have to tell her the story of how I went to see his movie — This Is It — while she and her sister slept one night.

It is finally cool enough to go to the playground.

Free Your Mind: The Black Girls Guide To Interracial Dating popped into my email inbox last week. It is a movement of sorts, started by Fleace Weaver. All I can wonder is why I didn’t think of it first. But then again, I’m not so sure I would have attended such a seminar when I was single. Dating someone of another race wasn’t as taboo for me as it may be for others. I grew up on military bases and didn’t give race much thought as a child. My parents did not pressure me one way or the other.  I think those are just two of the reasons I dated  – and then married — someone of another race.

Black women lined up in L.A. to see what the men had to say. The tour is supposed to swing around my way at some point and I just may check in and see how it is received.

After all the hype, I was disappointed in Chris Rock’s Good Hair. I expected to be entertained and was instead assaulted by a whole bunch of nonsense. I think if the movie had been a solid documentary or a nonstop stand up routine, it would have been fine. But the movie just couldn’t be both.

Forget what I said earlier. I am not offended Rock sidestepped the natural hair issue. The natural hair story has no place in Rock’s movie. I am glad I went to see it. I mean, you can’t fuss about the movie if you didn’t actually see it. I just didn’t like it and look forward to seeing what others have to say about it.

“Daddy, what’s this one?” Simone wanted to know about a song playing on the radio.

“Love Will Keep Us Together,” Daddy replied.

Simone turned to her sister. “Nadia, will love keep us together?”

“No,” Nadia replied.

A recent conversation in Daddy’s car.

I spotted this at Fierce and Nerdy and just had to share it with Honeysmoke readers. This post reminded me of when Simone and Nadia were infants. (Yes, time goes by very fast.) For this mommy and her beautiful daughter, race hasn’t come up. Color, though, has been an issue. Take a look.

By Ernessa T. Carter

© Copyright 2009

So by far one of my most popular posts has been “Raising Biracial Children,” which I wrote before I had any actual Biracial children living outside my womb or the gleam in my eye. I suspected as I was writing it that my perspective would change once I actually had said child, and I have to say that I was pretty much right about that.

I think what has been most surprising is how little I think about Betty being biracial. Beforehand, I thought this would be a subject that would stay on my mind 24/7, but in reality being a new mother eclipses all issues of race. For example:

Day 1: Oh my God, she turns red when she cries! Is that normal? (I am assured by my white husband and Betty’s doctor that it is).

At 1 week: I’m not thinking about the color of her skin, I’m thinking about the color of her poo. What’s up with the green tint? (Doctor says it’s the formula we’ve been supplementing her with for the jaundice.

At 2 weeks: Oh no, not diaper rash!

At 6 weeks: Yes, let’s talk about Betty’s skin. Seriously, what’s up with this baby acne all over her face, back, stomach, and neck? That can’t be normal. (Doctor once again assures us it is and it goes away in 2 weeks.)

3 months: Look at Betty’s gums. Do you think she’s teething early? Also, Betty seems to get a little confused when my sister comes to visit. (Though she doesn’t really like strangers at this point, Betty decides that she digs this Sorta-Looks-Like-Mommy. This will kick off a trend of her being extra smiley with dark-skinned black women. Funny.)

4 months: I love this baby fat! In fact, I just made up a crunk song called, “Do the Chubby Leg.” Do you think we should record it for YouTube? (CH just laughs and shakes his head. Not sure if that’s a yes or a no.)

As you can see, race hasn’t really come up with Betty yet, but let’s not sleep, we know it  will eventually. So over the next week I want to explore these questions:

1. Special, Lucky, or Confused? Do we really need to spin biracial?

2. How responsible are you for your child’s views on race?

3. Protection vs. Prevention vs. Preparedness.

So do come back  and weigh in on all of these topics. Til then, if you want to hear more of my thoughts on pregnancy and new motherhood, the kind folks over at Mommie2Be have made me their October Mommie of the Month, and I answered a bunch of questions on both topics.

Oh, and one more announcement. I decided to dedicate the last week of our Month of Minefields to Feminism. Like Religion, this isn’t a topic people asked me to write on, but I’ve been having so many discussions about it lately, I thought it would be a good one to bring to the table. Hit me up in the comments if you have any thoughts on subtopics for this one. I’m open.

100% Best,

etc

Ernessa T. Carter is the daughter of Betty and Ernest Carter and was born in St. Louis, MO. Despite hating when people decide that they are slashed careerists (i.e. She promptly ends conversations if anyone says with a straight face “I’m an actor/director/writer/producer”), she is nonetheless a slashed writer — a novelist/playwright/screenwriter, who enjoys blogging and writing too long sentences in her spare time. Some days she’s more fierce. Some days she’s more nerdy. But she’s always fierce and nerdy, and therefore somewhat chagrined that she actually wrote an entire paragraph in the third person. Please forgive her. Also, she lives and works in Los Angeles with her wonderful husband, CH.