HONEYSMOKE

There are countless Mommy blogs on the Internet and just as many reasons why mothers are blogging about their children. Some mothers write to share, while others want to learn. Many write to earn money.

All of those are wonderful reasons to write. These are my reasons:

I write because I know one day Simone and Nadia will ask me not to share my thoughts about them. I write because I know I will forget precious details. I write because I want to understand the world. I write because I want to help parents traveling similar paths. I write because I have to.

Do you see what I see? Sounds like a silly question, doesn’t it? But as this essay shows, we don’t all see and hear in quite the same way.

I do not want this. Yuck.

I do not want collard greens.

I want chicken nuggets.

Nadia’s summation of Thanksgiving dinner.

Ut-uh.

I only want bread.

We are taking ourselves to McDonald’s.

Simone’s summation of Thanksgiving dinner and leftovers.

Check out the time stamp on this post. It is early. I used to think folks who went to Black Friday sales were crazy. That was Before Kids and tight budgets. As soon as I finish writing this post, I will hop in my car and search for deals at the local discount store. I only have one stop and a few items on my list. I will post the results later today. Wait a minute …. Sorry, I had to do my stretches. I will try not to appear on the national news and apologize in advance for those who live in my area, because I didn’t really fix my hair or put on any makeup. Wish me luck. Bye.

ETA: It’s 6:17 a.m. I knew there would be trouble when the police car flew by. Someone had had a fender bender on Black Friday. It looked like everything was okay, except the cars. Then I saw the parking lot. It was mostly full. I parked and walked toward the store. The scene did not look good. The doors were open, and people were streaming inside. There was more bad news. Everyone had to walk along the side of the store to the very back and then turn and walk toward the front doors. I figured everything I wanted would be gone by the time I did all of that. Determined, I passed a few slowpokes and made it inside.

I had never seen the store packed with so many people. Folks were on cell phones, coordinating purchases. A few people brought their children. Others carried items in both hands. In some spots, I could not move. Thank goodness I am thin and nimble. I ducked down and squeezed between buggies once or twice. Okay, it was three times. I was on a mission.

I saw a woman who had something I wanted and got directions. Score. I saw another woman who had something I wanted and asked her where she found it. Double score. I headed for the checkout lanes and saw something I wanted but could not carry. There were a lot of them, so I decided to check out and double-back for the item. With a free gift card in hand, I spied an empty buggy, rolled up to the item, and lifted it inside. That item sat next to something I had planned to buy later in the season. I asked a sales associate to put that in the buggy for me.

For such a grim start, things were going well. I pulled out my list. What had I forgotten?  A children’s DVD. I saw a parent who had her buggy filled to the brim with toys. Did she see the item I was looking for in the toy section? No. I concentrated on the electronics area and found the DVD sitting on a bottom shelf. I picked it up and headed for the check out.

In an hour,  I checked off nearly half of the names on my Christmas list, saved hundreds of dollars, and lived to write about it. There will be a Christmas. But first I need to rest. The girls will be up soon.

I learned about this just moments ago. I will check into it more, but I wanted to pass it on to Honeysmoke readers. It’s a blog called Mixed and Happy, and it was started in response to the Louisiana justice of the peace who refused to marry a mixed race couple.

Here is what the blog’s header says: This blog is a reply to Keith Bardwell’s decision to deny a marriage license to an interracial couple out of concern for the future children they might have. On Dec. 15, 2009, we are sending him a colorful Christmas card to show him that mixed-race people, families and couples are indeed happy people who produce happy, healthy and loved children. Email your pictures to mixedandhappy [at] gmail [dot] com to join us! Include your state and tell us about your Mixed and Happy family.

The blog’s goal is to send pictures of 100 mixed race families to Bardwell. As of today, 82 families have submitted photos. Take a look.

ETA: I contacted the creators of Mixed and Happy, and I appreciate them so much for answering a few questions. Enjoy.

Honeysmoke: Bardwell resigned his position as justice of the peace. Some people might say leave well enough alone. Why are you doing this?

Mixed and Happy: I am really doing this because it is not about him; it is about us. 
Mixed-race people happen to be the fastest-growing demographic in this 
country, so to deny a marriage license out of concern that a couple 
might have a mixed-race child is absurd and insulting. 
This is more about the message than it is about Bardwell himself. He 
just represents the small thinking that is still out there and Mixed 
and Happy represents a push back. It was just time for me to stand up 
for my own children, for my own family and say ‘You know what? We are 
a mixed-race family and we are happy and we are proud.’ The bottom 
line is that our children are loved and they don’t care about what 
that love looks like on the outside. 

Honeysmoke: Do you think the pictures will get his attention or change his mind? 

Mixed and Happy: I have no idea what his reaction will be. I hope that it will change 
his mind, but more than that, I hope it will change others’ minds 
along the way. I hope that this will bring a sense of unity in 
diversity among mixed-race families, which come in all colors and 
cultures. 

Honeysmoke: How do you plan to send the photos to him to make sure he gets them? 

Mixed and Happy: I’ll send them to his last-known address, which may still be current. 
Even if it’s not current, it will be forwarded by mail. I found his 
address by searching public records. But, I plan to also send a copy 
of the card and its pictures to his local paper and to President Obama 
while I’m at it. Figure I might as well since Obama is our first 
bi-racial president and is a role model to my children. 

Honeysmoke: What do you want people to know about interracial families and their children?

Mixed and Happy: I want people to know that the bottom line is love–not skin color, 
and that where there is love, children thrive. My goal is to raise 
children who are completely secure in who they are–in both sides of 
who they are.

I remember rising on Thanksgiving morning and hearing my mother in the kitchen. Stirring. Chopping. Mixing. I remember the collard greens, turkey and dressing, and sweet smells flowing through our home. I remember Mom giving me a spoon and letting me dig out the last of some cake or icing, all while I watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade. I remember.

What will Simone and Nadia remember? They will remember making acorn-shaped place cards like the ones we made above. They will remember going to the grocery store to help me shop for our feast. They will remember the stars, circles, and hearts I cut into their turkey and cranberry sauce. Their memories will be different from mine, but I hope they signify the same emotion. Love.

Around this time of year I look back and evaluate how far I have come. This time last year this blog was just an idea and blogging was a mystery. I appreciate readers from all around the world who come back again and again, and I am thankful to all of the bloggers who have allowed me to share their thoughts and ideas on this site.

This site would not be possible without a supportive husband and two beautiful little girls. For that, I am grateful.

While in Florida, we took Simone and Nadia to Walt Disney World for a day. They went on rides, met Disney characters, and otherwise had a ball. Of course, they wanted souvenirs. They asked for Minnie Mouse ears, Tinkerbell wands, and balloons. The girls love balloons. I wish I knew why. Balloons are colorful and fly but don’t do much else.

Two years ago, Ken and Simone had a falling out over a balloon. If I remember correctly, Ken had told Simone she couldn’t have one. Not surprisingly, we have a picture of Simone  holding said balloon and wearing a scowl on her face.

On this trip I had promised we would get balloons at the end of the day. Disney balloons are not like ordinary balloons. They are huge and apparently well made. We have taken them home before, and they lasted a week. An entire week. We drove home in those cases. I started to think about how we were going to get the balloons home this time. Would we be able to take them on the plane?  It didn’t really matter if we could get them home. I had promised. Besides, children don’t necessarily grasp all the nuances of an issue. All they know is they want a balloon.

I kept my promise. The girls faces lit up, and they gladly posed with their new toy. The next day I called the airline and asked whether we could bring the balloons onboard.

“Balloons filled with helium?”

“Yes.”

“Those balloons are filled with a combustible gas. You will not get through security with them.”

It turns out helium is an inert gas. Still, I had visions of Simone and Nadia screaming as a security officer confiscated the balloons. That could not happen. I gathered the girls and took pictures of them with their balloons, and then I explained the lady on the phone said we could not take the balloons on the plane. Instead we would let go of the balloons before we went to the airport and tell them good-bye. I had gotten this idea from Simone. We had watched her purposely let go of them on more than one occasion.

The girls clutched the balloons while Ken and I packed the car. When we finished, I announced it was time to say good-bye. Ken cut the strings, and all of us waved and said good-bye as they floated away.

We never heard another word about the balloons. No tears were shed. I, though, felt uneasy. While we had solved this problem, passed this test, there are countless more, waiting in the wings.

Mooooo!