Simone, it seems, is taking after her maternal grandmother and me.
Someone called her “chicken legs” a few weeks ago, and a woman told me she looked like she might “blow away.”
Before I had children, I had been described as a wisp of smoke, boney, rail thin.
“You must eat like a bird,” women told me. “You need to eat more,” was the typical advice. On their face, they were just words. The cumulative effect, though, weighed on me, and I eventually got the point. Something was wrong – with me.
When I was in grade school in 70s, I learned how to fight, mostly because I was skinny. To them, I was shaped like a “broom stick.” I cried in my mother’s arms, perplexed about why they criticized me for something I couldn’t change. She wiped my tears away and told me how she was laughed at in high school for having the gall to be skinny and try out for cheerleading. Black girls, after all, weren’t supposed to be thin.
Mom told me those little girls were jealous and then made of point of telling me just how much she loved me. I do the same thing for Simone. I wish, though, that I could put an end to name-calling.
May 22 has been declared the very first, “Take Our Children to the Park … And Leave Them There Day.” Lenore Skenazy, the author of Free-Range Kids, came up with the idea.
Most of us used to play outside in the park, without our parents, without cell phones, without Purell or bottled water and we survived! Thrived! We cherish the memories! And if you believe the million studies that I’m always publishing here, kids are healthier, happier and better-adjusted if they get to spend some time each day in “free play,” without adults hovering, Skenazy writes on her blog.
I want to be one of these kinds of parents, because I want to raise independent and self-reliant children. I do not want to be a helicopter parent, and I believe children should learn how to do things by themselves. Older children play by themselves in our neighborhood all the time. But Simone and Nadia are simply too young. Maybe in another five years or so.
For now, I am more concerned about being a responsible parent. When something goes wrong, society often judges first and asks questions later.
Years ago, a friend of mine forgot one of his four children at a fast food restaurant. When he and his wife realized what they had done, they immediately turned around and picked up their child. The little girl was standing outside of the restaurant with an employee. The parents apologized profusely and took their daughter home. I think this happened in the 1970s. I am happy to report it never happened again, and the child is now the mother of her own children. If that had happened today, the department of children and families may have been called and the parents may have had to prove they had made an honest mistake.
So, what do you think? Will you leave your children at the park on May 22?
I have been invited to read at the Third Annual Mixed Roots Film & Literary Festival June 12-13 in Los Angeles. The festival was founded by Heidi Durrow and Fanshen Cox and features film and literary works about “interracial and intercultural relationships, transracial and transcultural adoptions, and anyone who identifies as having biracial, multiracial, Hapa or Mixed identity.”
I am looking forward to seeing the Mixed: Portraits of Multiracial Kids exhibit at the Japanese American National Museum, and I can’t wait to meet some people I only know by Twitter handle. I haven’t figured out all of the particulars, but I would like to take Simone and Nadia with me. I know they would have a wonderful time. What a great way to celebrate Loving Day.
Simone and Nadia receive a lot of compliments. They are so beautiful. They are so well-behaved. They are so smart.
There has been a lot of chatter in the sphere about stereotypes. Some people say biracial and multiracial children are prettier than others. No one has said that to us, but it certainly has been implied.
I am more worried about the beauty inside. Are they eating well? Are they getting enough sleep? Is Simone ready for Kindergarten? Is Nadia ready to see her sister attend another school? Do they feel safe? Are they comfortable with themselves? Are they learning enough?
It is easy for a stranger to see superficial beauty. It is just one of the ways we judge others. But I have to believe that if Ken and I do our parenting job well, few will care how Simone and Nadia look on the outside.
The good thing about having three curlies under one roof is we can switch up products. What doesn’t work for one, may work for the other.
Jane Carter Solution, Miss Jessie’s, Curls for Target and SheaMoisture are now available at some Target stores. It was big news for curlies, especially those of us who don’t like to pay for shipping. After stalking the hair care aisles for a few days, the store I frequent finally received the products.
I immediately picked up two Curls for Target products: Creamy Curl Cleanser and Coconut Curlada. The cleanser is mild and smells delicious. The conditioner is creamy and smells delicious. Trouble is, they don’t do much for my hair.
Before I had the girls, I would finish a hair product or mix it with something else. Now I just try it on Simone and Nadia’s hair. Eureka! The Coconut Curlada helps smooth their hair and makes it so easy to detangle. This frees me from the guilt of trying new products and allows me to try something else. Next on my to-try list: Shea Moisure. The shampoo and conditioner with shea butter are calling my name. If it’s not meant to be, I’ve always got two more curlies who don’t mind testing smell goods.
Check out this NPR piece about how biracial children self-identify. Each week Tell Me More talks to parents, and this piece focuses on the new book, Mixed. As Honeysmoke readers know, Simone and Nadia have given the book two little thumbs up. Host Michel Martin is joined by the book’s author, Kip Fulbeck, as well as writers Peggy Orenstein and Heidi Durrow. Enjoy.
