Really? An interracial couple couldn’t agree on what to do with their daughter’s hair, so they went on national television to have entertainers tell them who is right and who is wrong. I’ve watched The Marriage Ref once or twice, and I don’t find it all that funny or enlightening. In this episode, which aired Monday, Aug. 14, the white father wants his little girl to express herself, while the black mom wants her to look presentable.
If I had to take the matter seriously, I’d side with the mother. There’s nothing wrong with a child expressing herself, as long as that’s something she wants to do. Nothing in the clip leaves that impression. All the viewer learns is that the father simply doesn’t want to do hair, and that’s too bad.
Here’s the thing. These people aren’t serious. There is way too much acting and exaggerating in the clip, and the viewer later learns the father wants his daughter to be “discovered.” I think he and his wife are using the show to get their daughter on television. They got the exposure they wanted. I just wish it had not been at the expense of a child and her beautiful, natural hair.
My hair has been giving me a tough time, and I am going back to what works. I also revisited a piece I wrote a year ago that features advice from natural hair care experts. Enjoy.
For those of us sporting anything from a teeny-weeny Afro to hair so long it would make a horse jealous here are some tips for caring for natural hair on a budget. These eight ingredients are probably already in your kitchen, and they can help promote beautiful hair.
1. Baking Soda—Cleanses the scalp with a natural base. Put a pinch of powder in the palm of your hand, and mix with a dollop of luscious shampoo. Place a tablespoon in a cup of water and use it as a rinse. “It helps open the cuticle and clean it out,” said Shelley Davis, chief executive officer of the Los Angeles-based Kinky-Curly Hair Products, LLC.
2. Apple Cider Vinegar—Clarifies the scalp with a natural acid. Be sure to do this after a baking soda rinse to close down the cuticle. Pour a capful to a cup of water for a delightful rinse. The scent washes away in the shower. “It gets rid of scalp buildup,” said Anita Grant, who mixes and sells her own potions at her London-based Web site. “The skin regenerates itself, and the sebum, the natural oil, needs to slough off.”
3. Aloe Vera Gel, Juice or Plant Leaves—Nourishes the scalp. Smooth onto scalp with your index finger, or add it to water in a small bottle and spritz on the hair. “The more natural, the better,” said Michelle Breyer, co-founder of Naturally Curly. “You can get it in a number of different forms at pretty much any price point, including the plant itself.”
4. Butter, Shea Nut—Seals in moisture. Emulsify between fingers, lock in moisture and pamper ends. “It’s a very rich butter that will protect your hair from weather damage, dryness and brittleness,” said Nikki Walton, creator and editor of Curly Nikki. “Naturals and relaxed heads can apply it to hair ends to prevent splits.”
5. Olive Oil—Treats the scalp and hair. Slather on hair before shampooing or rub it on your scalp. “It can be used to add shine and smooth dry hair,” said Marsha Coulton, product developer and owner of the Brooklyn-based Curl Junkie Hair Products, LLC. “Add it to dry hair as a pre-shampoo treatment, or add to your regular conditioner to boost softness.”
6. Jojoba Oil—Locks in moisture and is very lightweight. “One of the primary concerns we have is dryness,” Davis said, “and I think we’re just going about it the wrong way by slapping a lot of petroleum-based products on our hair. Spray the hair with water and then seal it in.”
7. Honey—Acts as a natural humectant. Use sparingly with other products. A little goes a long way. “This is great ingredient in that it can be added to your conditioners to give them an extra boost of moisture and added to styling products to add extra hold and shine,” Coulton said.
8. Herbs—Stimulate the hair and scalp with an herbal rinse. “Make sure it’s fresh rosemary out of the garden,” Grant said. “Add the rosemary to boiling water and let cool. Use the water as an herbal rinse for the hair. You can also use organic roses, nettle or horsetail.”
A version of this essay first appeared on The Root.
The good thing about having three curlies under one roof is we can switch up products. What doesn’t work for one, may work for the other.
Jane Carter Solution, Miss Jessie’s, Curls for Target and SheaMoisture are now available at some Target stores. It was big news for curlies, especially those of us who don’t like to pay for shipping. After stalking the hair care aisles for a few days, the store I frequent finally received the products.
I immediately picked up two Curls for Target products: Creamy Curl Cleanser and Coconut Curlada. The cleanser is mild and smells delicious. The conditioner is creamy and smells delicious. Trouble is, they don’t do much for my hair.
Before I had the girls, I would finish a hair product or mix it with something else. Now I just try it on Simone and Nadia’s hair. Eureka! The Coconut Curlada helps smooth their hair and makes it so easy to detangle. This frees me from the guilt of trying new products and allows me to try something else. Next on my to-try list: Shea Moisure. The shampoo and conditioner with shea butter are calling my name. If it’s not meant to be, I’ve always got two more curlies who don’t mind testing smell goods.
A host of curly hair products were stocked at Targets across the country, and I rushed to my local store to see what I’d like to try. Jane Carter Solution, Miss Jessie’s, Curls for Target and SheaMoisture are now available at some Target stores. This is huge for curlies, especially those of us who don’t want to pay shipping and handling for quality products. Alas, I couldn’t find any of the new products even though the store in my area was listed as one that would carry some of the new items. Frustrated, I called the store. Apparently, other curlies also had called. Employees had checked the shelves and found nothing. I’ll continue to check. Has anyone else had any luck?
Raise your hand if this has happened to you. While minding your own business, someone compliments you on your natural hair and then proceeds to invade your personal space and touch it. Okay, put your hands down. It has been a while, but this has happened to me. It happened a lot when I had a close-cropped fade. For some reason, folks thought it was invitation to touch my head. It also happened when I wore braids. I remember some older ladies were so taken with the style, they each played with a braid. I was younger then. Much younger.
Check out this NPR essay, which warns you may never know what is in someone’s hair. In other words, look, don’t touch. If I can help just one person understand why touching someone’s hair is inappropriate, this blog post will be a success. Enjoy!
The long-awaited package finally arrived. Curlies have been raving about Darcy’s Botanicals, because it is affordable and made with natural ingredients. When I learned it could be used on all kinds of curls, I just have to give it a try.
After washing and conditioning, I applied Darcy’s Botanicals Natural Coils Curling Jelly to Simone and Nadia’s hair, and it elongated and defined their curls. I left a little conditioner in my hair and applied Madagascar Vanilla Styling Creme. I added the curly jelly and watched the curls form.
This jelly has a few things going for it. First, I didn’t use a lot. I dipped my finger once in the jelly and then finger combed it into the girls’ hair. For me, I dipped my finger twice — once for each side — and smoothed the product in my hair from root to tip. The jelly is moisturizing, has a fresh scent and is made with natural ingredients, including organic aloe vera juice, vegetable glycerin and organic coconut cream. The jelly costs $12, plus shipping and handling. We will continue to use Darcy’s. I just wish I could purchase it locally.
A rush of cold, dry air has unleashed my inner product junkie. A product junkie, for the uninitiated, is someone who is constantly trying new hair products. I can usually tame this urge with a solid list of go-to items. This year, though, I have been searching for a good moisturizer. It does not help that I spend more time on hair boards than I would like to admit. It is on those boards that I learn about new products and new regimens. Curlies sometimes obsess about hair. It is fragile, prone to breakage and widely misunderstood. The Internet has helped folks like me find excellent products and advice. The downside is there is so much to try.
We have a lot of hair in our house and keeping everyone’s locks looking good is a priority. We also have different curl patterns and textures. If I can find one product to use on Nadia’s fine hair, Simone’s curls and my corkscrews, our hair life would be a whole lot easier.
For a few days now, I have been looking for a package in our mailbox. I just checked online — again — and the box is a few hours away. Let’s see how long it takes it to get from there to here. As soon as it arrives, I will quickly try it out and report the results. Maybe, just maybe this will tame my inner product junkie.
