Really? An interracial couple couldn’t agree on what to do with their daughter’s hair, so they went on national television to have entertainers tell them who is right and who is wrong. I’ve watched The Marriage Ref once or twice, and I don’t find it all that funny or enlightening. In this episode, which aired Monday, Aug. 14, the white father wants his little girl to express herself, while the black mom wants her to look presentable.
If I had to take the matter seriously, I’d side with the mother. There’s nothing wrong with a child expressing herself, as long as that’s something she wants to do. Nothing in the clip leaves that impression. All the viewer learns is that the father simply doesn’t want to do hair, and that’s too bad.
Here’s the thing. These people aren’t serious. There is way too much acting and exaggerating in the clip, and the viewer later learns the father wants his daughter to be “discovered.” I think he and his wife are using the show to get their daughter on television. They got the exposure they wanted. I just wish it had not been at the expense of a child and her beautiful, natural hair.
Add in your own bluesy guitar riff between verses
My daughter is a first-grader
Can ride the bus to school
It’s a five-minute ride
Makes so much sense too
Well, she boarded the bus
Told the driver her name
Sat next to a girl
Went on the first day
Picked her up a little later
All seemed a go
Then my daughter said something
She told me no.
Well, it’s more convenient.
Probably safer too.
The little girl won’t do it.
So, what’s a parent to do
I’ve got the blues
The school bus blues
She’d rather ride in the SUV
So, what’s a parent to do
It wasn’t long ago that I went to the spa and got a talking to from the aesthetician.
Get your skin act together, she said. You are not a young thing anymore. You must take care of your skin.
After she whipped my skin and me into shape, she sent me home with an arm full of items. They work well — and are expensive.
That’s the problem with my skin care regimen. I don’t want to spend that kind of money on lotions and potions. Plus, I want something with natural ingredients. I had three choices: I could either keep purchasing the expensive stuff, mix my own concoction or buy it from a reputable organic store.
Cue Mission Impossible music.
With my skin in good shape, I tried to find an affordable solution. I already knew about Bentonite Clay and use it for facials. Bentonite Clay is available at many health food stores for $8 or $9 for 16 ounces.
Armed with that information, I was sure I could find something organic and affordable to exfoliate and moisturize my skin. I clicked around and found Mountain Rose Herbs Cleansing Grains.
For $5.25, Mountain Rose Herbs offers two ounces of White Kaolin clay, organic Oat Bran, Almond meal, organic Corn meal, powdered Rose petals, and a blend of pure steam distilled essential oils. It smells divine. Mix a pinch or two with a little spring water or tea, apply to face in circular motions and rinse.
Warning: Don’t put anything wet in the jar, not even a finger, unless you want to contaminate all the goodies. Use a plastic or wooden spoon to scoop out a little each use.
For the body, try dead sea salt. It is the main ingredient in many body scrubs. Mountain Rose Herbs has a one-pound bag of dead sea salt for $4.50. Want to spend even less? Buy a five-pound bag here. Need some aromatherapy with that? Draw a bath, sprinkle in a tablespoon or so of dead sea salt and a few drops of an essential oil. Or, mix dead sea salt with a carrier oil, say jojoba, and use it to exfoliate the entire body. Both recipes provide an instant spa experience without the spa price. Enjoy!
Do you have any money-saving beauty secrets? Spill!
What to do when someone you care about shows his thoughts.
Q: I would love to get your opinion on the following…My husband and I are a happy interracial couple (I’m black, he’s white) living in the South. Race is not an issue for us and this is how we hope to raise our kids. We’ve developed a friendship with a white couple who have been very good friends over many years and are in fact our children’s godparents. They were raised in the South by very traditional white families, and even though they seem to be very progressive, they prove that you can’t escape your past. Last year, the man was animatedly recalling a story and used the n-word to describe a group of people in his story. My husband and I were shocked and really didn’t know how to react. He went on with his story as if it didn’t happen, following which, we left. Discussing it in the car, my husband and I were more disappointed in him than angry. We briefly discussed whether or not we should talk to him about it, but decided against it. He hasn’t done it since, but it’s hard to forget. Any thoughts?
A: Thanks for your question. It’s a tough one, but I will take a shot. My take on this is that you should always say something when something like this happens. It could be something simple like: Really? That’s the way you describe this group of people? It may not be the thing you want to say or thought you’d say, but you have to let the person know that you don’t appreciate that kind of language and that he shouldn’t feel comfortable using it in front of you.
I was on a plane that was experiencing turbulence when the woman sitting beside me made a comment about the pilot’s race. I, too, was flustered and didn’t know what to say. I managed to get something out of my mouth that did not condemn her speech but hopefully let her know I didn’t appreciate it.
Were your children there? I would not want to explain how my child’s Godfather used a racial epithet to describe Mommy’s people. (If he can’t see how his word may be hurtful to a group, he may see how it is hurtful to his Godchild.) The moment may have passed, and it may not have the same effect if you talk about it now. But if it ever happens again or if he’s joking about this story or some other opportunity presents itself, I’d take him aside and tell him. Keep it sweet, to the point and make sure your talk lacks emotion. If you stay cool, maybe he will follow suit. I wouldn’t do it in front of other people, if you can help it, because he’s likely to be embarrassed and may respond in anger.
Weigh in, folks. What would you do?
I was skeptical about “The Help.” I turned up my nose at reading or viewing a work about black maids in the South in a fictional tale written by a white author. That was not my idea of entertainment. No, ma’am.
In fact, as I took my seat to screen the movie at the National Association of Black Journalists convention in Philadelphia, I already had decided I would not like it. What could this white author and white director show me about two black maids who team up with an aspiring writer who is decades ahead of her time? Why should I care about these fictional characters who build an unlikely friendship around a secret writing project that shatters racial rules and and threatens their livelihood and relationships? Plenty and a heck of a lot, it turns out.
“The Help” is set in the turbulent 1960s and stars Emma Stone as Skeeter, Viola Davis as Aibileen and Octavia Spencer as Minny.
I was pleasantly surprised by the texture of the characters and how the women, both black and white, learned how to trust each other. The villain doesn’t seem to have one redeeming quality, and each of the other characters has her own personal struggle to overcome as well.
While it’s a fictional work, it is centered on the civil rights movement, particularly the death of civil rights activist Medgar Evers, who was killed in 1963 at his Jackson, Mississippi, home. As a result, the movie took me on a rough ride of emotions, at times angering me, bringing tears to my eyes and making my cheeks hurt from laughing.
I enjoyed “The Help” and suggest anyone who is willing to view race from a different corner of her mind to go see it. Remember, this is a work of fiction framed around a historical event. The author of the book told a room full of journalists that she was quite aware that she was making up the story. Don’t go see it alone. Take some girlfriends or someone else with you so that you can chat about it after the credits roll. Oh, and this is not a movie for young children. A few scenes are punctuated with spirited, literal and figurative expletives.
“The Help” changed my mind from doubt to acceptance. I may even purchase the book and read all the scenes that are sitting on the cutting room floor. The movie opens Wednesday, Aug. 10. Enjoy!
